Thursday, August 03, 2006

Why do they do it?
I mean, why do teenagers run away? read the previous post

Don’t they understand how much we need them? Are they crying out for attention or help? Is it just rebellion against the rules that we parents try to enforce? Are they trying to prove that they are old enough to take care of themselves?
At this age, it can be hard to explain to them how much they mean to us. That this love did not diminish with the years… that we love them just as much now as we loved them when they were little children – when they looked at us as if we were superheroes. At that age, they did not doubt nor question our love.
How do we, as parents, explain that we are not trying to break their spirits by enforcing our rules, that instead, we are trying to guide them to become better adults?
But most of all…
Why do they not come back in a few days or even years later? We have played millions of scenarios in our minds to figure out WHY… to answer the two most important questions:
Why didn’t you come back yet?
Are you still out there?
The longer you’re out there, does it become harder to come back or do they just enjoy that feeling of freedom? Maybe they’re just afraid to be punished for running away. Who would harbor any animosity, any feeling of resentment towards loved ones? We just want you to be with us.
When it neared his birthday, my son was sharing with me what he thought he might receive for his birthday. He looked at me with excitement in his eyes and whispered: “I think that Arkadiy will come home on my birthday… as a surprise… just for me.” He smiled as if asking me to keep it a secret, not to jinx it by telling anyone. My baby, he did not know that we all wished for Arkadiy’s return everyday.
Please come back, we cannot be without you.
When Arkadiy went missing, this tragedy nearly destroyed our family. None of us have recuperated. I completely neglected my immediate family for several months, as the search for Arkadiy took all of my time. It was wrong, but I thought, “if we find him, everything would be fine. We would feel complete again.”
In April, when I exhausted all of my search options and leads, I started spending more time at home and not on the streets or in my car. That’s when I realized that my husband withdrew from me. I was completely occupied with the search and did not see it. He was still there, but distant. Later, he was not there at all. We’ve had tough times before (who hasn’t), but this was breaking point. I do not know what still keeps us together. Maybe convenience? Maybe finance? Or is there something more? I just don’t know anymore.
All I know.. Come back.
We miss you Arkadiy Tashman.
My dear brother